I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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