Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
