You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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