i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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