What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
