Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
