apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
