Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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