Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
