He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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