You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
