my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
