i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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