Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
