Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Rumble strips road head = magical
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
