ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
