she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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