Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
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When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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