So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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