i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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