Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
