I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
