Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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