I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
