My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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