Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
