if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
