ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
