I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
