Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
