I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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