Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Text me some of your sweat
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
