i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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