Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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