it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
