new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
