Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
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Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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