Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
