i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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