i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
