dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
