just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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