you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
