if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize