3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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