I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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