I just pynch a tree in the face
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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