I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
