i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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