i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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