Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
