I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
