I feel like abortions should bother me more
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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