The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
