proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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