Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
