anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
