i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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