You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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