You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
