apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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